The Real Importance of Sex Toys

Thankfully, I am a woman who has arms, fingers and functional salivary glands. I also possess a silky vulva between my legs, rounded breasts and perky nipples that feel especially nice when some spit is applied. So I see no purpose in spending my money on expensive lubes and gadgets. Why use a hard foreign object resembling a pneumatic drill when I could be caressing myself.

Our monstrous sex industry has thrived and made millions out of people's sexual disimpowerment. Fingers are not marketable so they are ignored. Most sex toys disassociate people from their bodies and separate us from our sexual energy.

OK, some lesbians need to penetrate and want to wear a strap-on. Some men with erectile disfunction may want to shag their partner but they would probably be better off, in my view, engaging in the wonders of non-penetrative sex. Some folk are squeamish about slippery surfaces and touching bodily parts. Surely, they need to get back to nature, swim in rivers, go fishing and eat squid.

Then there are people with physical disabilities. Unlike me, they may have no arms, no fingers and cannot reach their parts. They may not have well functioning salivary glands. They may not be able to move to thrust their hips, spread their legs, They may have no physical strength, no idea what to do because they are deaf-blind, have been brought up with no sexual stimulation in a confined environment. They may have no control over their bodies, and feel at sea.

I once went round to see a neighbour (several times) who had cerebral palsy and no speech. He fancied girls with tiny tits (me) and we would get into bed because I couldn't bear to think of him never being able to reach orgasm. As soon as he saw my fried eggs and I held his cock, he spurted. After a lull, we fucked and he had a good orgasm. After this second orgasm, he could talk quite lucidly for several minutes.

I then knew that my mission to help enable disabled people to enjoy sexual pleasure was even more important. I have been telling this story for 25 years and it makes people cry. But still, the sex industry shows no responsibility for what I consider is its prime function.

British millionaire Ralph Gold promised me 30 years ago that his company Ann Summers would make a sex toy for disabled people. I smiled and invited him to discuss what would be required, but I doubted his sincerity. In those days, Ann Summers was so mean that even their condoms were tight.

I never forget going to the Frankfurt Sex Fair and a dutch manufacturer told me he'd created a revolutionary sex toy: “Tuppy” he invited me, “Put your finger right down to the bottom, so you can feel the clitoris at the end of the vagina”.

“That, I replied, is called the cervix. The clitoris head is at the front of the vulva”. But he was determined he knew best.

Sex toy manufacturers have not improved. In the old days they were enthusiastic amateurs, now they are just businessman.

I thought my chance had come a couple of years ago, when the modern sex toy company, Love Honey announced a Sex Toy Design Competition. I thought long and hard and designed a toy that could be strapped on or laid on, soft and big enough to work on anybody. My design didn't feature in the finals. They said they did not understand.

So now I'm making a concerted effort. With our Conference Disability: Sex, Relationships and Pleasure is coming up at the Royal Society of Medicine on 13th November. It's time for me to collect the sex toys for disabled people all together in one place, so they can go on display.

The needs of physically disabled people are very wide:
1) Not having control over your body to facilitate your own orgasm
2) Being paralysed so that you cannot feel in areas where most people feel sexual sensations, but still have sexual desires, urges and needs.
3) No physical strenth to masturbate, so that sexual desire can never be releived, unless someone helps. If you live in residential care and have no partner, a member of staff or friend might sneak you a wank, blow job or whatever, progably as fast as possible in order to do it without being discovered. But probably nobody will help.
4) Low self esteem that inhibits and a physical condition that makes masturbation difficult. Many disabled people have no privacy because they live with their parents or in an institution, so give up.
5) Some people, in particular people with Parkinsons Disease, have increase sexual desire (perhaps because of medication) but no strength or capacity to masturbate.

All the people who have these problems should, in my view, have financial support to help them move forward. Nobody should be deprived of sexual release. Once they find themselves sexually fulfilled, their wellbeing, will improve, making them more healthy and less cost to the national health and social services.

I answer the Sex and Disability Helpine, so I know that we still have many highly frustrated disabled men and women in the UK and, indeed, all over the world.

Sexual fulfillment can be reached essentially in three ways: through masturbation, hiring a sex worker or in a loving relationship.

Sex workers have a big role to play. Many like to work with disabled people. I've set up www.tlc-org.uk for disabled men and women to access responsible sex workers and other services.

I get calls on the Sex and Disability helpline from health professionals who are frustrated
because they are forbidden from helping their clients book a sex worker. This has got to change.
Others callers on the helpline want to know where they can find a gadget that they can put on their client's genitals, and leave the room so the client can orgasm in private. The search is now on.

Luckily, I am working together with Spokz, who already market the Intimate Rider, a chair to help disabled people enjoy intercourse. Spokz is run by a spinal injured man and his wife, and they have agreed to collect all the gadgets I find, and more, put them on their website and on their display at the Conference.

If anybody out there knows of good sex toys, if anybody has a disability that prevents them from masturbating or enjoying sex and wants to find the right toy, please get in touch with me via the Outsiders website www.outsiders.org.uk.

Now I'm off to Venus in Berlin on 15th October, to see what I can find. Venus is Europe's biggest sex fair. I'm bracing myself for a hall full of plastic tits, plastic toys and formulaic porn, but hopefully I'll be pleasantly surprised. I haven't been to Berlin since the wall came down. My old friend Kim Airs is putting me on her company's ticket so that the trip won't cost much, in return for me helping with her talk about the health benefits of sex toys.

I'll set off with an empty suit case and hope to return with it bulging with free samples. Not a bad life for an old age pensioner, hey? Wish me luck!