Letter about TLC and Sex Workers seeing Disabled People published in The Guardian

My letter is published in The Guardian today!

For readers wondering how the sex worker / disabled client relationship works, here is what Pru wrote for me today:

"I regularly entertain clients with disabilities that include cerebral palsy, Duchenne muscular distrophy, spina bifida, and Aspergers syndrome.

I am approached directly by clients, their parents and their care workers. Approaches are often by email, and occasionally directly by phone. With the majority of clients, it becomes a regular arrangement as once they find someone they are comfortable with, they stick with that person.

Some disabled men just want a cuddle. Some want to be rogered senseless. Some have kinky fantasies. Some want to play dominant. Some want to be dominated (which is probably so they get something different to the "kid gloves" treatment that they are used to).

A few of my clients have been married before and come out of it scarred emotionally and even less inclined to want to trust their emotions with any one again. With an escort, they feel that both sides know the score.

Not all clients are able to make the journey to London and could do with the assistance of a friend to do so. Occasionally, I travel out of London to see them."

Thanks, Pru. This is just one of our many wonderful sex workers who, I guess get more job satisfaction than most of you reading this!

TLC Website gets mentioned by Julie Bindel in The Guardian

How sweet of Julie Bindel to mention the TLC Trust in today's Guardian, just when we are launching it! See http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguardian/2009/sep/25/sex-tips-prostitution

It's an article with the usual old arguments against prostitution, featuring Pamela Stephenson Connolly and Julie Bindel (The Guardian, Friday 25 September 2009)

Julie's description of our website as "a pro-sex industry campaigning organisation" is totally misleading, as we are much more than that, so I wrote a comment to complain:

The TLC-trust.org.uk webside puts disabled men and women in touch with responsible sex workers, therapists and teachers. We also run a service to make phone calls to book appointments for disabled people with speech impairments who cannot use the phone and for care workers who are banned from making these calls on their behalf.

Yes, big charities, local councils and social services providing "homes" for disabled people, on one hand sing of their equality policies that empower their residents to make informed choices about how they live their lives and then block them from finding sexual outlets. They know that some disabled people don't have the strength or body movement to masturbate, so what do they think they are going to do when they get horny?

The TLC-Trust.org.uk website has been commended around the world - from Annie Sprinkle to AC Grayling. It is run by volunteers, Sex workers register for free, in fact no charges are made to anyone.

On 13th November, the Royal Society of Medicine will be running a conference on sex and disability which will include discussions on sex work, disability and the law. Delegates will have the chance to see a tantric sex worker making love to the head of a quadiplegic man who has no feeling below the head, and cannot reach up to touch his head. They will see a deafblind man enjoying a striptease, using finger language interpretation. These performances were arranged by the TLC Trust.

Things are moving on, at last, thankfully."

If you would like to know more about the TLC-Trust website, read on:

TLC-Trust.org.uk
the website for disabled men and women
to access responsible sex workers

After five long years, four very determined volunteers have at last completed the TLC website, www.tlc-trust.org.uk, for disabled men and women to access responsible sex workers.

The site is the inspiration of pioneer Dr Tuppy Owens, founder of Outsiders, a charity for disabled people to find partners. She is helped by Pru, a very clever sex worker who specialises in disabled clients, a brilliant webmaster and a lovely disabled advocate.

Tuppy had written a paper for ICOP 1997 (International Conference on Prostitution) in Los Angeles, entitled “Disabled People Make the Best Clients”. This paper gave sex workers some basic guidance on having sex with a disabled man or woman. It was circulated worldwide and the idea for an organisation to provide such a service gained momentum.

In the womb-like Harley Street abode of Professor Petrushka Clarkson, a very grand, learned institute was dreamed up, with training programmes, certification, a board of disabled experts, academics and, of course, sex workers. Petrushka promptly died and it became evident to Tuppy that nobody really wanted to give their time, name or money to such a cause. Much more importantly, she discovered sex workers feel perfectly capable of running their businesses, and feel zero inclination to give up their independence by being trained.

Tuppy decided that a website was the answer. She could write guidance, she could invite donations, and sex workers who wanted more disabled clients could be provided with a free space their their profile, which disabled people could freely look at.

The website was called TLC, short for Tender Loving Care. Generously funded by Dr Linda Cusick and Dr Petra Boynton, a webmaster was hired to create the site. Then he disappeared into thin air.

At the Outsiders funder, the Night of the Senses 2008, one of the guests, Ian Hudson, approached Tuppy with an apology that he'd noticed that the TLC site was not working very well. She told him about her dilemma and Ian, being a gentleman, replied “If I may be so bold, may I offer my services?” He was on!

Ian made the site beautiful. The sex worker approve new profiles. Tuppy expanded the site include other services such as massage therapy, sex therapy and training. This was not to dilute the sex work content but to provide a wider choice.

Tuppy appointed the site's “Resident Pimp” the famous spinal injured wheelchair user, Gregory Sams. Greg makes phone calls on behalf of disabled people who cannot communicate over the phone, and for their care workers who are banned from making such calls.

During 2008. the profiles became more and more minimal, often using a language quite offensive to disabled people. So Tuppy created a model profile: “Lulu of Liverpool”. Lulu provides, for example, details of local disabled parking, exact widths of doors to her bathroom etc, and confirmation that she has both a separate room for the disabled person's PA to wait in and a hoist installed above the bed. Lulu lists her skills of using alternative methods of communication. Lulu states what kind of client she enjoys seeing: people who make her laugh and enjoy her body. Most importantly, Lulu uses respectful language when referring to disabled men and women.

The site encourages feedback on its forum and provides a space for sex workers to write about their experiences with disabled clients.

It has been very interesting to observe which residential homes and care work agencies will allow their disabled clients to hire sex workers. Interestingly, Leonard Cheshire Disability, who received a grant from GlaxoSmithKiline for £180,000 to research what young disabled people want in the way of support and education on sex, actually ban their staff from granting clients the freedom have sex workers visit them in what is essentially their own homes.

We are currently battling with a social services funding office in Manchester who have banned the care staff in a home from doing anything to help a (very frustrated) disabled man have a sexual experience with a sex worker. The reasons given were that social services didn't want the press to find out, but the press are much more likely to publish the story when they discover the ban. The TLC site is certainly covering the case.

The TLC site receives praise from all over the world, from pioneers such as Annie Sprinkle and a lady called Claire Ryan who wants to start a New Zealand section of the site. Tuppy's list “50 Services that Sex Workers provide for Disabled People” which she sent to the Home Office was commended by Professor A.C. Grayling.

Now that the site is working perfectly, we are ready to launch it and we are doing this in two stages. The first launch will be to attract new sex workers. so that the site will provide as many as possible around the country, indeed the world. For the site to work effectively,, disabled visitors need to be able to find someone near enough and suitable. Registration is free of charge and we hope for much success.
The second launch will coincide with our conference Disability: Sex, Relationships and Pleasure at the Royal Society of Medicine, which will feature performances by sex workers and disabled people.
The first performance will feature tantric sex worker Sue Newsome making love to a quadriplegic man's head. Dominic Webb cannot feel from the neck down and cannot reach up to touch his head. After 13 years of no sensations of touch, Tuppy asked him if he had thought of having a head massage. He said that his spinal unit had offered to discuss sex after his injury but that help never came. When Tuppy told him that sensory amplification could turn the massage into an orgasmic experience, his face lit up and Sue was brought in.
The second performance will be striptease artist Solitaire stripping for deaf-blind Jimmy with his sighted friend, jj interpreting.

The conference will include talks by a male and female sex worker, inviting questions. It will also provide a workshop on sex work and the law, for health professionals who are nervous about their disabled clients hiring sex workers. Most people in the disability world still believe that it is illegal to hire a sex worker, thanks to an article that appeared in Disability Now in 2005.
This conference will take place on 13th November.
See http://www.rsm.ac.uk/academ/sej101.php

TLC hopes for national publicity which will hopefully give the TLC website more visitors and help to raise the status of sex work in the UK.

World's Top Dating Coach comes to Outsiders

After years of trying to help the disabled men in Outsiders improve their skills at asking women out, I decided not to waste any more time, and approach an expert. Richard La Ruina, aka "Gambler" is the British pick up trainer, part of an International gang of experts who train men all over the world.

Pick Up Artistry, or PUA is seduction training for men who want to be able to pull women. They transform nervous clueless guys to successful ladies-men. Famous people take private tuition. Richard has trained over 3,000 men. Richard La Ruina's book The Natural Art of Seduction made the Amazon.co.uk best sellers list. He has been featured on programs for BBC, ITV, Channel 4, Channel 5, and plays himself in the upcoming film "We Need to Talk About Kieran".

Richard was voted World's Top Dating Coach.

Well, Richard has agreed to come along to the next Outsiders London lunch on 10th October, to help me advise the disabled men who attend my workshops on how to approach women. This is a historical moment in time.

I have read many of the books on pick-up artistry and tried to describe the techniques in my workshops and writings, without any success, so it will be interesting to see how this workshop works out.

The things we'll do to raise funds!

With my 65th birthday coming up, I thought I should contribute to Outsiders fundraising event SHOWCASE by doing a performance. I've collected a troupe together, planned our act, and it's going to be sensational. The famous disabled dancer, Caroline Bowditch and pole dancer Chiqui as well as naughty Santi, Mouse and Tom.

So I went off to the local fitness expert on the Black Isle, a lovely black girl called Linda Bailey, to prepare the body for what will be some, shall we say, unusual moves. She set me a routine which I've been doing religiously on my front balcony, looking over the Cromarty Firth.

Soon, I realised something was wrong. The Achilles tendon that was not broken some years ago seems to have decided it's had enough. It's not snapped, just unhappy. So I'm now hobbling around the croft, hoping to recover.

I don't suppose the audience will mind if I hobble but I want to look my best.

Look out for tickets being on sale soon on www.nightofthesenses.com for the event planned for 1st February 2010.

And if any famous person reading this would like to do an act - let us know!

Calling All Men and Women with Spinal Injury and Spina Bifida

Inner Nature Development Day
No.1

People with similar disabilities sharing their
Sexual and Loving Secrets

facilitated by

Dr Tuppy Owens, Katie Sarra, Sue Newsome, Katie Wiltshier

This first Inner Nature Development Day is
for people with spinal injury, spina bifida
and their health professionals

Wednesday
7th October 2009

12 noon till 6pm with lunch provided

The Old Car Wash Studio

33a St Peters Street Tiverton
Devon EX16 6NW

see www.katiesarra.com for
pictures of the Old Car Wash

The Old Car Wash Studio is accessible
and is the inspiration of Katie Sarra.

It is a sanctuary of tantric exploration
and personal freedoms.

£30 disabled people/£50 professionals/£20 concessions (includes lunch)

PAs accompanying disabled people free

Cheques made payable to Outsiders Trust

should be sent to

The Old Car Wash Gallery, 33a St Peters Street Tiverton

Devon EX16 6NW. 07540 571 745

Telephone bookings by credit card

0777 0884 985

Hotels that are wheelchair accessible in Tiverton are

The Hartnol Hotel 01884 252 777

The Tiverton Hotel 01884 256 120

TRANSPORT

TRAINS from London Paddington (main Paddington Penzance line) I hour 55 mins. Train leaving Paddington at 9.06am arriving at Tiverton Parkway at 11.01am.

Taxi Service from the station. Please state on booking if you will be requiring a taxi (wheelchair accessible) and Katie Sarra will arrange for transport to be available to coincide with train. Return train 19.20 arriving 21.21 0r 20.09 arriving at 22.30.

By CAR: Junction 27 off M5 motorway. Then A361 into Tiverton. Signs will be up on St Peters Street. Limited parking at the Gallery with priority to disabled drivers. Parking in Market car park at the back of the Gallery.

Inner Nature INFORMATION LINE Katie 07540 571 745

The Real Importance of Sex Toys

Thankfully, I am a woman who has arms, fingers and functional salivary glands. I also possess a silky vulva between my legs, rounded breasts and perky nipples that feel especially nice when some spit is applied. So I see no purpose in spending my money on expensive lubes and gadgets. Why use a hard foreign object resembling a pneumatic drill when I could be caressing myself.

Our monstrous sex industry has thrived and made millions out of people's sexual disimpowerment. Fingers are not marketable so they are ignored. Most sex toys disassociate people from their bodies and separate us from our sexual energy.

OK, some lesbians need to penetrate and want to wear a strap-on. Some men with erectile disfunction may want to shag their partner but they would probably be better off, in my view, engaging in the wonders of non-penetrative sex. Some folk are squeamish about slippery surfaces and touching bodily parts. Surely, they need to get back to nature, swim in rivers, go fishing and eat squid.

Then there are people with physical disabilities. Unlike me, they may have no arms, no fingers and cannot reach their parts. They may not have well functioning salivary glands. They may not be able to move to thrust their hips, spread their legs, They may have no physical strength, no idea what to do because they are deaf-blind, have been brought up with no sexual stimulation in a confined environment. They may have no control over their bodies, and feel at sea.

I once went round to see a neighbour (several times) who had cerebral palsy and no speech. He fancied girls with tiny tits (me) and we would get into bed because I couldn't bear to think of him never being able to reach orgasm. As soon as he saw my fried eggs and I held his cock, he spurted. After a lull, we fucked and he had a good orgasm. After this second orgasm, he could talk quite lucidly for several minutes.

I then knew that my mission to help enable disabled people to enjoy sexual pleasure was even more important. I have been telling this story for 25 years and it makes people cry. But still, the sex industry shows no responsibility for what I consider is its prime function.

British millionaire Ralph Gold promised me 30 years ago that his company Ann Summers would make a sex toy for disabled people. I smiled and invited him to discuss what would be required, but I doubted his sincerity. In those days, Ann Summers was so mean that even their condoms were tight.

I never forget going to the Frankfurt Sex Fair and a dutch manufacturer told me he'd created a revolutionary sex toy: “Tuppy” he invited me, “Put your finger right down to the bottom, so you can feel the clitoris at the end of the vagina”.

“That, I replied, is called the cervix. The clitoris head is at the front of the vulva”. But he was determined he knew best.

Sex toy manufacturers have not improved. In the old days they were enthusiastic amateurs, now they are just businessman.

I thought my chance had come a couple of years ago, when the modern sex toy company, Love Honey announced a Sex Toy Design Competition. I thought long and hard and designed a toy that could be strapped on or laid on, soft and big enough to work on anybody. My design didn't feature in the finals. They said they did not understand.

So now I'm making a concerted effort. With our Conference Disability: Sex, Relationships and Pleasure is coming up at the Royal Society of Medicine on 13th November. It's time for me to collect the sex toys for disabled people all together in one place, so they can go on display.

The needs of physically disabled people are very wide:
1) Not having control over your body to facilitate your own orgasm
2) Being paralysed so that you cannot feel in areas where most people feel sexual sensations, but still have sexual desires, urges and needs.
3) No physical strenth to masturbate, so that sexual desire can never be releived, unless someone helps. If you live in residential care and have no partner, a member of staff or friend might sneak you a wank, blow job or whatever, progably as fast as possible in order to do it without being discovered. But probably nobody will help.
4) Low self esteem that inhibits and a physical condition that makes masturbation difficult. Many disabled people have no privacy because they live with their parents or in an institution, so give up.
5) Some people, in particular people with Parkinsons Disease, have increase sexual desire (perhaps because of medication) but no strength or capacity to masturbate.

All the people who have these problems should, in my view, have financial support to help them move forward. Nobody should be deprived of sexual release. Once they find themselves sexually fulfilled, their wellbeing, will improve, making them more healthy and less cost to the national health and social services.

I answer the Sex and Disability Helpine, so I know that we still have many highly frustrated disabled men and women in the UK and, indeed, all over the world.

Sexual fulfillment can be reached essentially in three ways: through masturbation, hiring a sex worker or in a loving relationship.

Sex workers have a big role to play. Many like to work with disabled people. I've set up www.tlc-org.uk for disabled men and women to access responsible sex workers and other services.

I get calls on the Sex and Disability helpline from health professionals who are frustrated
because they are forbidden from helping their clients book a sex worker. This has got to change.
Others callers on the helpline want to know where they can find a gadget that they can put on their client's genitals, and leave the room so the client can orgasm in private. The search is now on.

Luckily, I am working together with Spokz, who already market the Intimate Rider, a chair to help disabled people enjoy intercourse. Spokz is run by a spinal injured man and his wife, and they have agreed to collect all the gadgets I find, and more, put them on their website and on their display at the Conference.

If anybody out there knows of good sex toys, if anybody has a disability that prevents them from masturbating or enjoying sex and wants to find the right toy, please get in touch with me via the Outsiders website www.outsiders.org.uk.

Now I'm off to Venus in Berlin on 15th October, to see what I can find. Venus is Europe's biggest sex fair. I'm bracing myself for a hall full of plastic tits, plastic toys and formulaic porn, but hopefully I'll be pleasantly surprised. I haven't been to Berlin since the wall came down. My old friend Kim Airs is putting me on her company's ticket so that the trip won't cost much, in return for me helping with her talk about the health benefits of sex toys.

I'll set off with an empty suit case and hope to return with it bulging with free samples. Not a bad life for an old age pensioner, hey? Wish me luck!